Trey's cousin passed away from cancer last week. At his funeral, his brother addressed the crowd with, "What do you want to do with your life?" He went on to say that he and his brother would often ask each other this question and then proceed to talk about ambitions and dreams they had. He asked us, in memory of his brother, to keep that question in the forefonts of our minds. I'm always thinking of the answer to that question, but lately I've been trying to reconcile that question along with, "What do you HAVE TO do with your life?" I guess everyone in the world struggles with that difference.
We moved to Ohio because what we wanted out of our lives was to exit the rat race the city seemed to engulf us in and instead find ourselves in a slower, simpler world. Now that we're here and loving it, we're now realizing there are still things we have to do. I haven't worked full time in 2 years so I can be home more with our kids, but lately I've been reconsidering that and thinking maybe wanting to be home with them is selfish. Maybe what's more responsible is working full time and bringing in more money to help us plan for the future. Maybe I'm getting too caught up in the "What do you want to do" instead of the what I actually should be doing. You never know how having kids will affect you, and the idea of not seeing my kids all day long for 5 days straight is enough to make me have chest pains. That reaction is surprising to me because I've been a workhorse my whole life.
Then there's the whole mystery of death. None of us knows how much time we have, so it makes it even more important to listen to what our guts are telling us. There will always be some aspect of what we need to do, but it's important to try to put what we want to do first at least most of the time.
What I want out of life is to keep teaching college-level English part-time and writing, giving me the freedom to watch my babies grow into kids, but maybe it's time I go back to work full time and see my babies when I get home and focus on the fact that they're going to be just fine with not seeing me so much. In the end I need to focus on what THEY need out of life instead of what I want out of life.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Fleeting Thoughts...
Some observations about Kettering....
First, and foremost, it's just a top-notch place for kids. I cannot get over how family-oriented it is. I thought Chicago was "good enough," but now I feel like it was way way way behind the pack. Today we went to the library and I was blown away by the kids' section. Chicago's section was always picked over and the books were dirty and torn up. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now I can see it wasn't so fabulous.
It's fun for me to watch the news here in Ohio because it's so tame. Not to make light of any tragedy or crime, but it's rated PG-13 compared to the debauchery in Chicago. Most of the news stories I saw last night had to do with confused old-lady drivers or sex-driven hillbillies. There was also a story of a burglar who held up a bank, but wouldn't let go of the beer he held in his hand the whole time. I applaud his dedication, I suppose.
One last observation, and this one I don't favor, is that there's a whole lot of white people here and not too much of anything else. As my Latina friend back in Chicago says, "There's not a black bean in this bowl of white rice." The neighborhood we were living in in Chicago was described as the United Nations because it was so chock-full of diversity. We lived in a Mexican/Jewish neighborhood and right up the street was the Indian/Pakistani neighborhood. If we went to the playground, Cece was often the minority, and I loved that. This will be the one challenge for me as I raise my kids in this bowl of white rice. I like spice and color with my rice, and my kids will be raised to crave the same thing.
Observations aside, I'm geeked out because I got a tire pump for my bike, so I'm going to finally start riding my bike again. Once upon a time before kids entered my life, I used to ride my bike every day, so now that it's as easy as pulling it out of the garage (instead of fishing it out of a crowded storage space in the basement of our apartment building) there's no reason for me not to return to riding it. I can't wait to tackle all these great bike paths here!
My copy of Louisville Review came a couple days ago. I haven't read my story in it yet, but it's pretty great to see a story I wrote published in it amongst really accomplished writers. The wheels are slowly turning...
First, and foremost, it's just a top-notch place for kids. I cannot get over how family-oriented it is. I thought Chicago was "good enough," but now I feel like it was way way way behind the pack. Today we went to the library and I was blown away by the kids' section. Chicago's section was always picked over and the books were dirty and torn up. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now I can see it wasn't so fabulous.
It's fun for me to watch the news here in Ohio because it's so tame. Not to make light of any tragedy or crime, but it's rated PG-13 compared to the debauchery in Chicago. Most of the news stories I saw last night had to do with confused old-lady drivers or sex-driven hillbillies. There was also a story of a burglar who held up a bank, but wouldn't let go of the beer he held in his hand the whole time. I applaud his dedication, I suppose.
One last observation, and this one I don't favor, is that there's a whole lot of white people here and not too much of anything else. As my Latina friend back in Chicago says, "There's not a black bean in this bowl of white rice." The neighborhood we were living in in Chicago was described as the United Nations because it was so chock-full of diversity. We lived in a Mexican/Jewish neighborhood and right up the street was the Indian/Pakistani neighborhood. If we went to the playground, Cece was often the minority, and I loved that. This will be the one challenge for me as I raise my kids in this bowl of white rice. I like spice and color with my rice, and my kids will be raised to crave the same thing.
Observations aside, I'm geeked out because I got a tire pump for my bike, so I'm going to finally start riding my bike again. Once upon a time before kids entered my life, I used to ride my bike every day, so now that it's as easy as pulling it out of the garage (instead of fishing it out of a crowded storage space in the basement of our apartment building) there's no reason for me not to return to riding it. I can't wait to tackle all these great bike paths here!
My copy of Louisville Review came a couple days ago. I haven't read my story in it yet, but it's pretty great to see a story I wrote published in it amongst really accomplished writers. The wheels are slowly turning...
Saturday, June 4, 2011
From Chicago to Dayton
Well, we did it. We up and moved from big-city Chicago to small-city Dayton. Kettering, to be exact. Trey and I had been toying with the idea for quite a while, but our condo was on the market for nearly 15 months, and we were beginning to lose hope that we'd ever have an opportunity to get out of Chicago. He works at Trader Joe's and he happened to ask his manager if it would be possible to get a transfer to the Dayton area. He has some cousins and an aunt here, so the thought wasn't totally random. His manager said he could definitely transfer in a couple weeks in fact, and the timeline of our condo finally selling matched up perfectly, so we took the plunge and moved here.
Yes, it's different. Thank God, it's different. Don't get me wrong--I love Chicago. Or I should say I loved Chicago when I was a 20-something with no dependents and riding my bike along the lakefront for hours on end while stopping only to scroll in my journal. I loved Chicago when I was taking improv classes, working as a radio DJ and dreaming big with very little money in my pocket and no health insurance to speak of, for I didn't need money and when you see yourself as invincible, insurance is not needed.
But as a 35-year old mom of a 3-year old and 5-month old and wife to my husband, Chicago just doesn't make sense anymore to either of us. We found ourselves working around the clock just to afford our overpriced, undersized condo. A little over 2 years ago we looked at each other and realized we were drifting away from what we genuinely wanted out of life, even though we weren't even completely sure what that might be. We knew that, yes, money is important, but it can't be the only thing we get out of a job, and at that time it was absolutely the only thing I was getting out of my good-paying, soul-sucking job. I decided to finally do what I've wanted to do for years--teach English at the college level. This meant a huge pay cut for me, but also meant a lot more time home with my family. Long story short, our risky jump to a new path left us with even less money and less reason to stay in Chicago. We were surrounded with so many culturally enriching, amazing things to do, and we could afford not a one. We couldn't even afford parking at any of them.
So the condo sold the week my semester ended and Trey got the transfer for his job that same time, so it seemed like life was pushing us to Kettering, Ohio.
We're here and we're loving it. We went from having to lug kids, groceries and anything else up 2 flights of stairs to now having a house where we can pull up into our garage. I still can't get over that luxury. Our rent is almost 1/3 of the cost of our mortgage in Chicago.
We were craving a slower-paced life with more nature for us and our kids, and we've found it. Just in the nearly 3 weeks we've been here, we've been outside so much more than we were able to in Chicago. In Chicago, to go outside, we'd have to get the kids ready, carry the car seat downstairs with the baby in it while keeping our eye on the toddler tumbling down the stairs behind us, then wrack our brain to remember where on the block we parked if we were going to drive that day. The only walking-distance greenery was a small playground down the street, but now we open our door and it's right there. We have a front yard and a backyard and parks seem to be THE thing in Kettering. And these aren't just parks--these are acres of greenery and hiking trails and playgrounds and picnic shelters. Chicago had some okay parks, but we had to drive a while to get to one, and when we'd get there, it just wasn't exactly the nature experience we were hoping to find. Think: deer munching on litter...
I don't mean to paint Chicago in a bad light. It's truly the most spectacular city I've ever been to in my life, but spectacular comes with a spectactular price tag. It started off as the perfect place to live for both my husband and me. It's almost like Chicago swept us away with its glimmer and glitz and then as we got married and had 2 kids we were stranded and treading water in a city that was once so perfect for our carefree, single days.
Now that we find ourselves in the middle of Normal, USA, it's a bit of a wake-up call for me. It feels like this is the best move we've ever made, but yes, it's the end of an era. I am, in fact, no longer that 20-something with the wind whipping in her hair as she rides her bike downtown to be a radio DJ in Chicago. I've been replaced with other hungry 20-somethings with insatiable fire in their eyes. I am an out-of-work English instructor who is currently sitting in her robe on a Saturday night in a very quiet house in Kettering, Ohio listening to nothing but the rain fall and her babies breathe as they sleep after a long day of playing outside. But, gosh, maybe I am just getting old because there's no place I'd rather be.
Yes, it's different. Thank God, it's different. Don't get me wrong--I love Chicago. Or I should say I loved Chicago when I was a 20-something with no dependents and riding my bike along the lakefront for hours on end while stopping only to scroll in my journal. I loved Chicago when I was taking improv classes, working as a radio DJ and dreaming big with very little money in my pocket and no health insurance to speak of, for I didn't need money and when you see yourself as invincible, insurance is not needed.
But as a 35-year old mom of a 3-year old and 5-month old and wife to my husband, Chicago just doesn't make sense anymore to either of us. We found ourselves working around the clock just to afford our overpriced, undersized condo. A little over 2 years ago we looked at each other and realized we were drifting away from what we genuinely wanted out of life, even though we weren't even completely sure what that might be. We knew that, yes, money is important, but it can't be the only thing we get out of a job, and at that time it was absolutely the only thing I was getting out of my good-paying, soul-sucking job. I decided to finally do what I've wanted to do for years--teach English at the college level. This meant a huge pay cut for me, but also meant a lot more time home with my family. Long story short, our risky jump to a new path left us with even less money and less reason to stay in Chicago. We were surrounded with so many culturally enriching, amazing things to do, and we could afford not a one. We couldn't even afford parking at any of them.
So the condo sold the week my semester ended and Trey got the transfer for his job that same time, so it seemed like life was pushing us to Kettering, Ohio.
We're here and we're loving it. We went from having to lug kids, groceries and anything else up 2 flights of stairs to now having a house where we can pull up into our garage. I still can't get over that luxury. Our rent is almost 1/3 of the cost of our mortgage in Chicago.
We were craving a slower-paced life with more nature for us and our kids, and we've found it. Just in the nearly 3 weeks we've been here, we've been outside so much more than we were able to in Chicago. In Chicago, to go outside, we'd have to get the kids ready, carry the car seat downstairs with the baby in it while keeping our eye on the toddler tumbling down the stairs behind us, then wrack our brain to remember where on the block we parked if we were going to drive that day. The only walking-distance greenery was a small playground down the street, but now we open our door and it's right there. We have a front yard and a backyard and parks seem to be THE thing in Kettering. And these aren't just parks--these are acres of greenery and hiking trails and playgrounds and picnic shelters. Chicago had some okay parks, but we had to drive a while to get to one, and when we'd get there, it just wasn't exactly the nature experience we were hoping to find. Think: deer munching on litter...
I don't mean to paint Chicago in a bad light. It's truly the most spectacular city I've ever been to in my life, but spectacular comes with a spectactular price tag. It started off as the perfect place to live for both my husband and me. It's almost like Chicago swept us away with its glimmer and glitz and then as we got married and had 2 kids we were stranded and treading water in a city that was once so perfect for our carefree, single days.
Now that we find ourselves in the middle of Normal, USA, it's a bit of a wake-up call for me. It feels like this is the best move we've ever made, but yes, it's the end of an era. I am, in fact, no longer that 20-something with the wind whipping in her hair as she rides her bike downtown to be a radio DJ in Chicago. I've been replaced with other hungry 20-somethings with insatiable fire in their eyes. I am an out-of-work English instructor who is currently sitting in her robe on a Saturday night in a very quiet house in Kettering, Ohio listening to nothing but the rain fall and her babies breathe as they sleep after a long day of playing outside. But, gosh, maybe I am just getting old because there's no place I'd rather be.
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